Fiverr Psychics : Balls Deep in Crystal (Meth) (episode 1)

As the fortunate owner of ten fingers bling'ed to oblivion, I do not suffer from the ring deficiency disease started by Beyonce a few months back.  Putaringonit has unfortunately claimed many of my acquaintances' braincells.

I do, however, suffer from a lack of masculine life form to entertain me on a part time basis.  And this does not include a need for said life form to eventually kneel in front of me with a hula hoop around their tactile member (nota bene : the one attached to the arm).

This sad state of affairs,coupled with a lack of common monetary sense, has resulted in a Paypal transaction instructing a Psychic on Fiverr.com for a description of my next boyfriend.

I am 32.
And admittedly kinda horny desperate.

One ball, two dicks.

After having parted with £3.22 (God Bless the Exchange Rate), I set out to patiently wait for an update from astrologyqueen regarding the next fool willing to get compromised with me (clearly they aren't lining up the street, but someone can see them coming from a crystall ball in 'Murica,so there is hope, right?).

Results? A tall sexy arrogant hairy grumpy fatty with a Joker complexion.

Someone is who is very attractive, good looking and lush hair - maybe long and on the lighter side. He will be very charming, positive and a happy person. He will be pale/creamy and curvaceous - very artistic, emotional, affectionate, charming, maybe moody at times but very romantic, seductive and a dreamer type of a person. He will be very popular and well-known. He will be very tall, sturdy and perhaps in a high position - but maybe lonely and isolated - he will be a self-made person and very accomplished but it may get to him at times and he may show some arrogance. You will be surprised by this love.

And where does One meets sturdy creamy fatties in high positions? In potato sacks.
Am I surprised by this love? Fuck yes, my love for tatties has never gone beyond a quickie at lunch time or a mashed session at dinner time.

Does this mean that...THE PSYCHIC IS RIGHT??!

Watch this space, I am having a one to one with my layered gratin dauphinoise tonight....

 
PS : This is actually my 22nd transaction on Fiverr related to Psychics. Yep. This is what boredom, crappy career choices,a good exchange rate and a competitive desire to hop on the 'not single anymore' bandwagon do to you ( and that is NOT a metaphore to describe a random penis).